Happiness in marriage Essay Example for Free

Happiness in marriage Essay Happiness in marriage is entirely a matter of chance. With reference to marriages in Pride and Prejudice, to what extent is this statement true? Marriage is the key issue in Pride and Prejudice, and Austen uses class structure, manners and proper behaviour in society to embellish the topic. It is the overall picture given by these subjects that tell us about the happiness a woman could expect from entering the state of marriage, whether marrying for love and felicity, or, as seems the wise choice in the case of many of the characters, for money and financial security. Pride and Prejudice explores the situations that many young ladies found themselves put in, and whether or not it was possible to achieve fulfilment and happiness if you were to marry for the latter. In the Bennet household, particularly, marriage is a very poignant subject. For Mrs Bennet, she feels it is essential for her girls (and for herself) that they should marry well, as otherwise they stand to lose everything without a son to take over the estate. Her feelings are made clear at the beginning, once she has heard that a wealthy Mr Bingley has recently moved to the neighbourhood. Without any knowledge or regard for his character, she immediately jumps to the conclusion that it is a fine thing for our girls. This statement is made purely on the awareness of his handsome fortune, and of the happiness and fortune that it could bring her. She uses the word girls, and this shows that she doesnt care for individual happiness, but she does want one of them married to him, never mind which. Her own marriage is described as lacking in respect, esteem and confidence, and through Elizabeths eyes it is improper and unsuitable. Although their marriage was based chiefly on an attraction on Mr Bennets part, Jane Austen states that it had been an imprudent move, and that he had married a woman whose weak understanding and illiberal mind had very early in their marriage put an end to all real affection. The only happiness he seems to have from the marriage is his constant mocking of his wife for his own amusement, and marvelling at her ignorance. The marriage which exists is based on a fancy rather than the three qualities that Jane Austen, through Elizabeth, attributes to true marital happiness for both partners: respect, esteem and confidence, which is exactly what Mr and Mrs Bennet dont have for each other. Mrs Bennet, for her own daughters marriages, sees the purpose as a way of supporting themselves, and gaining some kind of financial security, and the bigger the fortune, the better the match. When Elizabeth turns down the heir to Longbourn, Mr Collins, she says to her daughter If you go on refusing every offer of marriage, you will never get a husband, and I am sure I do not know who is to maintain you when your father is dead. This view is one shared by Charlotte, although she does not air her opinions so openly. Charlotte Lucas is a realist. Her role in the book is to represent the thoughts and intentions of many ladies in eighteenth century society. What numerous young women were doing, whether they were influenced by their mothers or not, was to make a cautious and prudent marriage. As a girl of twenty-seven, plain, and in danger of dying an old maid, she has taken on the view that happiness in marriage is entirely a matter of chance is a reference to the fact that women did pre-dominantly marry for money, not indeed love. She even goes as far as to advise Elizabeth on a match with Mr Darcy, although Elizabeths feelings are prejudiced towards him. She tells Elizabeth not to be a simpleton, and allow her fancy for Wickham make her appear unpleasant in the eyes of [Darcy] a man ten times his consequence. This shows her prudence, that although Elizabeth has admitted she has feelings for Wickham, she should keep herself open to anyone who pays her a compliment, and is wealthier. It is this theory that influences her own marriage with Mr Collins, for although there is no real affection on her side, he can offer her protection and a comfortable life. The practical nature of her marriage causes her to justify herself to her best friend, and she openly admits to her I am not a romantic, I never was. Immediately, this tells us that this marriage is not the result of a passionate affair, it is the conclusion that her chance of happiness with him is as fair as most people can boast on entering the marriage state. This statement is quite shocking, because it means the wedding takes place with no real affection on either side: it is done merely for self-gain. This view is also made clear when she comments on Jane and Bingleys relationship: When [Jane] is secure of him (i.e. a wedding or engagement has taken place), there will be leisure for falling in love as much as she chuses. Although Mr Collins seems to be happy, when he tells Elizabeth that We (he and Charlotte) seem to have been designed for each other, we have to go back to the fact that Charlotte was his third choice. He had favoured Jane, before Mrs Bennet enlightened him with the information that she believed that she would soon be engaged to Bingley, and it was only afterwards, when Elizabeth had turned his offer of marriage down, that he showed any regard for Charlotte. He proposed twice in three days, and so it is clear that no real feelings of admiration on either part could have developed strongly. This marriage is established on the ground that Mr Collins wants to set an example to his parishioners, and, more importantly in his eyes, to please his wealthy patroness, Lady Catherine. Mr. Collins also remarks on Elizabeths situation, as his wife had done previously when he says that her portion is unhappily so small that it will in all likelihood undo the effects of [her] loveliness and amiable qualifications. The Lucases are by no means wealthy, but Mr Collins is not looking for wealth, he is looking to add to his happiness by obtaining a companion. He came with the intention of returning home with a Bennet bride, but failing that he has an intelligent, practical woman, who has gone into a marriage with no pre-wedding romance, but to be content with her quite prosperous situation. As Elizabeth observes, Charlotte was disgracing herself and sunk in her esteem, was added the distressing conviction that it was impossible for that friend to be tolerably happy in the lot she had chosen. In direct contrast to Charlottes carefully thought about match, Lydia rushes into a passionate and imprudent marriage. Society almost expected women to marry above their own wealth and station, to make a sensible union, but it was a disgrace to have an affair it was essential that a woman should keep her virtue. Lydia, however, did the latter but not the first. Inside these parameters, Lydia is a slur on her already tarnished family name. Herr quite insincere love caused her to follow her heart, and go against the foresight that was instilled in so many young women, essentially from birth. Her love can be described more as a fancy, because it holds none of the virtues so important to Elizabeth, and therefore Jane Austens eyes: respect, esteem and gratitude. However, the match between herself and Wickham gives them both happiness, and, although her family does not share their feelings, her decision, however misguided, does give her happiness. Prior to the marriage, she writes for there is but one man in the world I love, and he is an angel. This view is in opposition to Charlottes, that one must marry into good fortune, and then see what happiness may come of it, if any at all. Lydias perception of Wickham is unchanged when she writes again, once Elizabeth and Darcy are married. She says that If you love Mr Darcy half so well as I do my dear Wickham, you must be very happy. Although on initially embarking on her elopement, the marriage looked as though it was a flirtatious whim, especially on the part of Wickham, by the end, there is no real relationship development, except that they still love each other. From the circumstances surrounding both of their families, it is safe to say that Wickham is not marrying for wealth, it is for his apparent love for Lydia. Previously, he had been engaged to Mary King, a wealthy heiress of ten thousand pounds, and Elizabeth had said of the match a wise and desirable measure for both; handsome young men must have something to live on, as well as the plain. As Colonel Fitzwilliam said of men Our habits of expense make us too dependent, and there are not many in my rank of life who can afford to marry without some attention to money. However, these same motives are not seen in his match with Lydia, although it is true to say that unless Darcy had intervened, they may not have married. Elizabeth also observes that his affections for Lydia were not equal to Lydias for him.that their elopement had been brought on by the strength of her love. She also wonders why he chose to elope with her at all, before coming to the conclusion that some financial gain must have been the reason, and if that were the case, he was not the young man to resist an opportunity of having a companion. However, these reasons have not impaired Lydias enjoyment of married life, nor Wickhams, as she is constantly praising him he is always her dear, and he did everything the best in the world. Whether these observations are made due to Lydias ignorance, or her blindness in her fancy, she does not seem to have tired of him, as Mr Bennet had of Mrs Bennet soon after their wedding. Someone who has married for both money and affection is Jane. There is a mutual attraction between her and Mr Bingley, and this leads onto, we presume, matrimonial bliss. Their relationship is fixed firmly on a rational basis, and they both share an optimistic view of the world. Elizabeth, early on in the book, comments on the likelihood that Janes marriage would be for money, not love, but by the end, Jane and Bingleys equally happy manners and charming countenances mean that there is equality in their affections unlike Wickham and Lydia, where there is more fondness on her side. Their shared admiration for one another gives the foundation for equilibrium, that there will be a good balance of respect, esteem and confidence on both sides. Mr Bingley says that he could not conceive an angel more attractive, while Jane says of Bingley, albeit in private, that she never saw such happy manners. With these observations, this is a match will lead to domestic felicity that luck and chance will have no role in the marriage; it has been carefully thought out, and although it is practical, it is also a match which will bring happiness on both sides. Elizabeth describes him as violently in love, and goes on to say, at the request of her aunt, that he was wholly engrossed in her and his inattention to anyone else, meant that this was the very essence of love. Mr Bennet, immediately after the engagement had been announced tells his daughter that you will be a very happy womanI have no doubt of your doing very well together. These views are ones shared by all, because it is obvious from their first physical attraction, and also their same manner, that they were well suited, and that their pleasure is secured by such high regard. However, when Elizabeth announces her engagement, her father is not as convinced that she will be as happy as Jane is. Her knowledge of Darcys gallantry has grown, whereas her fathers has been stifled, and so he doubts her true happiness when he says: I know your true disposition, Lizzy. I know that you could be neither happy nor respectable unless you truly esteemed your husband. However, his understanding of her true feelings could not be further from the truth. Throughout the entire book, it seems Darcy and Elizabeths relationship is the only one that has grown in understanding and estimation of one another. Respect on both sides has grown, because as they have gained more knowledge, they have also gained more esteem. This is the one relationship where there is a true shift from almost hate to true love. The re-assessment of characters allows us to see the real feelings behind the relationship, and even with Jane and Bingleys, although they respect one another, their connection is based centrally around admiration, whereas Darcy and Elizabeth have had to conquer their own pride and prejudice to have a full understanding of each other. Throughout the novel, Austen dropped hints about Darcys interest into Elizabeths intriguing character, but Elizabeth showed no interest in Darcy, except to air her feelings of intolerance at his proud nature. Mrs Gardiner, whose marriage is a very good example of what a successful relationship should aim to achieve, is very motherly towards Elizabeth and gives her competent advice, rather than nonsensical schemes for marriage. She advises her on her fancy for Mr Wickham: affection for Wickham would be so very imprudent because of his want of fortune. The relationships in the book are mainly seen through the eyes of Elizabeth, and it is she who determines whether they are happy or not. She was full of scorn for Charlottes match with her fathers cousin, and when she advised Elizabeth that Jane should secure him and than fall in love, she made a witty and ironic comment, which tells us that she would only marry for a love that had been determined before a ceremony: Where nothing is in question but the desire of being well married; and if I were determined to get a rich husband, or any husband, I dare say I should adopt it. In short, Lizzy represents Austens own view on marriage, that one should truly know, admire and respect a person before entering the state. Her mother complained to Mrs Gardiner, that had it not been for Lizzys perverseness she could have married Mr Collins. With views such as this, it is little wonder that the intelligent Elizabeth has such guarded opinion of marriage: she had always been aware of the impropriety of her own parents union, that this could put her off entering into marriage with someone she did not hold esteem for. It is this reasoning that allows her to fall in love with Darcy, and visa versa. Her unconventional views on what should be established prior to an engagement contrast with many of the motives for the marriages in the book. Lydia and Wickham, as well as Mr Bennet had all been headlong in their reasons, and these marriages, although they could bring happiness for at least some amount of time would not have been as morally successful as Elizabeth and Darcy, whose marriage is based on mutual esteem. Whereas Charlotte had thought about the espousal, and then agreed, much to the disdain of her friend, her happiness is impaired, because the marriage is not based on love, as Elizabeths is, it is principled on common gain, as were many matches in the society. Not only do Darcy and Elizabeth respect and gratify each other, they also share common interests, such as reading, as well as having the same elegant tastes. These qualities ensure happiness, unlike Mr and Mrs Bennet, where stimulation of the mind is essential to one, and stimulation of the tongue necessary for the other. Pride and Prejudice is a very good example of what different types of marriages can achieve: a good home and security, passion and fun or intelligent companionship. Marriage opens up different ways to different types of happiness, but true happiness can only be achieved on the grounds of honour and deference. Lydia, and to some extent Wickham, are happy, despite the different morals in their marriage, when compared to Charlotte and Mr Collins marriage. Darcy and Elizabeth are happy because they knew, appreciated and respected each other before entering matrimony, whereas Wickham and Lydia entered marriage with little but their fancy for each other to base their lives together on. In my opinion, Darcy and Elizabeths match is better, because their happiness is determined before marriage, not decided afterwards. Happiness in marriage is entirely a matter of chance is true to some marriages, but in a carefully calculated marriage, based on respect, esteem and confidence, the question of chance is indifferent.

Arjie’s Journey in Shyam Selvadurai’s Funny Boy Essay -- Funny Boy Ess

Arjie’s Journey in Shyam Selvadurai’s Funny Boy Growing up during a time of violent political upheaval in Sri Lanka, Arjie travels an especially bittersweet journey into maturation in Shyam Selvadurai’s Funny Boy. The adults in Arjie’s extended family mostly belong to an older, more conservative generation that attempts to fit Arjie into society’s norms. The adults that Arjie meets in the community through his family are individuals who prompt him to see past the confines of his childhood, and it is Arjie’s peers who give him the extra push to understanding himself. With guidance from his extended family, his adult friends, and his peers, Arjie is able to discover his identity through understanding the impact of race and gender on his life. Although spend-the-day occurs but once a month, Ammachi has a commanding presence in Arjie’s life. While Appachi hides behind his newspapers, Ammachi is â€Å"enthroned in big reclining chairs† (Selvadurai, 2), her canes inspiring awe in her grandchildren. When Arjie is caught dressed in a sari while playing bride-bride, Ammachi decides that manual labour will teach him to be more masculine. This is the first time Arjie is embarrassed about his â€Å"funniness†, though he does not understand why. It is also at his grandparents’ house that Arjie first learns about the tension between the Tamils and the Sinhalese. Afraid that people will talk, Ammachi forbids Radha Aunty to receive rides from Anil Jayasinghe, a Sinhalese. Arjie does not comprehend why Ammachi is upset, for he is in a Sinhala class at school and his friends are Sinhalese. His parents’ best friends and servant are Sinhalese too. Nevertheless, Ammachi sends Radha Aunty to Jaffna for a month, hoping that ... ...hehan allows Arjie to reach a new level of understanding about his place in a world where race and gender are of utmost importance. Directly and indirectly, the family and friends of Arjie all impress upon the boy their views on race and gender. The familial love of Arjie’s extended family is at times hurtful and confusing, but it nevertheless serves to guide Arjie through the growing up process. The lives of family friends merge with Arjie’s for only short periods of time, yet the values that these friends cherish linger on in Arjie’s conscience. Arjie’s peers grow up with him seeing the world through eyes that are near in age, thus their views on race and gender truly open Arjie’s eyes during his journey into maturation in Selvadurai’s Funny Boy. Works Cited Selvadurai, Shyam. Funny Boy. Toronto, Ontario: McClelland & Stewart Inc., 1994. Arjie’s Journey in Shyam Selvadurai’s Funny Boy Essay -- Funny Boy Ess Arjie’s Journey in Shyam Selvadurai’s Funny Boy Growing up during a time of violent political upheaval in Sri Lanka, Arjie travels an especially bittersweet journey into maturation in Shyam Selvadurai’s Funny Boy. The adults in Arjie’s extended family mostly belong to an older, more conservative generation that attempts to fit Arjie into society’s norms. The adults that Arjie meets in the community through his family are individuals who prompt him to see past the confines of his childhood, and it is Arjie’s peers who give him the extra push to understanding himself. With guidance from his extended family, his adult friends, and his peers, Arjie is able to discover his identity through understanding the impact of race and gender on his life. Although spend-the-day occurs but once a month, Ammachi has a commanding presence in Arjie’s life. While Appachi hides behind his newspapers, Ammachi is â€Å"enthroned in big reclining chairs† (Selvadurai, 2), her canes inspiring awe in her grandchildren. When Arjie is caught dressed in a sari while playing bride-bride, Ammachi decides that manual labour will teach him to be more masculine. This is the first time Arjie is embarrassed about his â€Å"funniness†, though he does not understand why. It is also at his grandparents’ house that Arjie first learns about the tension between the Tamils and the Sinhalese. Afraid that people will talk, Ammachi forbids Radha Aunty to receive rides from Anil Jayasinghe, a Sinhalese. Arjie does not comprehend why Ammachi is upset, for he is in a Sinhala class at school and his friends are Sinhalese. His parents’ best friends and servant are Sinhalese too. Nevertheless, Ammachi sends Radha Aunty to Jaffna for a month, hoping that ... ...hehan allows Arjie to reach a new level of understanding about his place in a world where race and gender are of utmost importance. Directly and indirectly, the family and friends of Arjie all impress upon the boy their views on race and gender. The familial love of Arjie’s extended family is at times hurtful and confusing, but it nevertheless serves to guide Arjie through the growing up process. The lives of family friends merge with Arjie’s for only short periods of time, yet the values that these friends cherish linger on in Arjie’s conscience. Arjie’s peers grow up with him seeing the world through eyes that are near in age, thus their views on race and gender truly open Arjie’s eyes during his journey into maturation in Selvadurai’s Funny Boy. Works Cited Selvadurai, Shyam. Funny Boy. Toronto, Ontario: McClelland & Stewart Inc., 1994.

Letter from hospital

I thought I should write to let you know IM safe and IM recovering. I miss you and the rest give everyone a hug from me and tell Rosier I hope she's being good. The hospital Is constantly got new soldiers coming In suffering from nervous exhaustion and shell shock too so IM not the only one, the doctor said It Is an Injury to the nerves and told me to rest and they are putting In place electric shock treatment.All the nurses are very sympathetic but sometimes when they think we can't hear them they call us all weak and say we are cowards. Im not suffering as much as most, a young gentleman has been learning to walk again yet he still wants to get back to the frontline. Yes, am returning to the frontline soon so that's why I took this opportunity to write. We had strict orders not to take prisoners, no matter if wounded my first Job was when I had finished cutting some of their wire away, to empty my magazine on 3 errands that came out of one of their deep dugouts they was bleeding ba dly begging for them to be put out of their misery.They cried for mercy, but I had my orders, they had no feeling what so ever for us†¦ It makes my head Jump to think about It. One time I was In serious danger I was almost completely paralyses with fear. I was slating with Taylor (a fellow soldier) on the fire-step of a trench during an intense bombardment,when it seemed certain that we must be killed at any moment. Shots fired around us; each moment threatened to be the last. I was conscious of biting the fabric on my top to prevent my teeth from chattering.If I had been alone on that occasion I believe that I would be dead now; it was the presence of others that saved me. It's not all been like that, one evening me and Owen was in the barracks and I received a letter from you for my birthday and it kept me going for so long, but everyone has a breaking point: weak or strong, courageous or cowardly- war frightens everyone my breaking point has now unfortunately came. Give my l ove to everyone, Yours sincerely

Lack of Communication - 1645 Words

Lack of Communication in a relationship Composition II - 54 7/23/2010 Tiffany Augustin There are two crucial elements in effective communication: relaying a message and receiving a message. It is just as important to communicate the message as it is to ensure the proper message is received. Effective communication is vital to personal and business success. Often, companies provide employee training on how to communicate effectively. This essay focuses on listening and receiving the message the other person is trying to communicate. Because we don’t communicate well with each other the effects can cause a divorce. Causes that led to divorce can be numerous. But, some of the most common reasons responsible for divorce are†¦show more content†¦(http://health.howstuffworks.com/relationships/advice/communication-skills-for-lifelong-relationships.htm) This can create quite a conflict when a man and a woman become involved in a relationship. For example, let’s say it s Friday afternoon and you are planning on heading out to Regal to catch a movie with your boyfriend. So you stop by his place and suggest a couple of movies you wanted to see, when he informs you that his best friend from high school is driving into Slippery Rock tonight to hang out with him. You, being the girl, are completely crushed. You try to act like it doesn t bother you, but on the inside you are so upset and hurt that he didn t tell you about this before. You figure he has known for at least a couple of days. So wh y didn t he tell you? Then you begin to tell yourself, I would never do this to him. I tell him almost everything. He must not care about me as much as I care about him. Come on, every girl has had this thought at least once in their lifetime. Most girls think this way because of the fact that they grew up in a world of intimacy. Likewise, most guys won t inform their girlfriends because he needs to feel independent. Telling her about his plans means the same to a guy as askingShow MoreRelatedCommunication Is A Lack Of Communication Essay1862 Words   |  8 Pagesit’s obvious that communication is important in all relationships. Regardless of the fact, I question whether it is possible to have successful friendships when there is a lack of communication, and to what extent. I found interest in this topic in particular because according to my own personal experiences, solid and stable long-term friendships are hard to come by without communication, more specifically self-disclosure. I, for one, struggle with intimacy and tend to avoid discussing personal informationRead MoreCommunication Breakdown Is The Lack Of Communication1052 Words   |  5 PagesCommunication breakdown is the lack of communication or a failure to exchange information. Communication breakdowns can be found in the workplace and in the home. Some communication breakdowns can be on purpose but others can be from habits that have been learned. Technology can also be the blame for a breakdown in communication. To stop communication breakdowns, we need to listen, compromise, have compassion for others weaknesses and triggers and tell the truth. Communication breakdown’s canRead MoreLack of Communication in a Relationship Essay943 Words   |  4 PagesLack of Communication in a Relationship Lack of communication is the root cause for most relationships problems. Communication is the key foundation in a relationship. Without its presence or absence, it affects the physical health. When communication is deprived, we would have no sense of ourselves. Communication enables us to survive and it has a major impact on all relationships. Without communication, a relationship has no chance of surviving its prime. To make communication work, eachRead MoreLack Of Trust And Ineffective Communication1401 Words   |  6 PagesFourth, lack of trust and ineffective communication creates positive or negative conflicts. A positive conflicts have a positive consequence, it helps in making better decision and to be aware of the external environment. Most of the time, the employees are affected by the magnitude of negative results. Leaders need to recognize the main six conditions that cause conflict in an organization which are interdepent, differentiation, scarce resources, incompatible goals, ambiguous rules and communicationRead MoreLack Of Trust And Ineffective Communication1427 Words   |  6 PagesThe lack of one or more of the team competency â€Å"Five C† could disturb the team ecosystem and open up a door for conflict. Fourth, lack of trust and ineffective communication creates positive or negative conflicts. A positive conflicts have a positive consequence, it helps in making better decision and to be aware of the external environment. Most of the time, the employees are affected by the magnitude of negative results. Leaders need to recognize the main six conditions that cause conflictRead MoreLack Of Communication For Adult Learners1645 Words   |  7 Pageswith certain basic abilities to apply their needs. They simply strive to fulfill their daily activities that have suddenly turned into an arduous toil because of language barrier. As a matter of fact, the insufficient English language proficiency, a lack of communicational and listening skills may result contributing factors to comply with the survival needs among elderly immigrants. A debate has lingered recently by researchers on how the available ESP instruction can be beneficial to address adultRead MoreLack Of Strong Communication Skills1533 Words   |  7 Pages Strong communication skills are necessary in order to coord inate daily operations which may require multiple people participating in the care of a patient. Evidence has shown that a lack of strong communication has led to negative patient outcomes and financial losses for the institution. Effective communication will help deliver the plan and staff members will know exactly what is expected off them versus trying to figure it out on their own. Good communication will also help to prevent errorsRead MoreProblems Of Staff Motivation, Lack Of Communication1114 Words   |  5 Pagesproblems of staff motivation, lack of communication (informal), and Mrs. Blakely s lack of leadership skills. A recommendation for the motivation problem is that Mrs. Blakely set attainable goals for the employees and reward and recognize the clerks when they have achieved their goals. For the problem of lack of communication, it has been recommended in this report that weekly meetings be held and that Mrs. Blakely be retrained both for development of communication skills and leadership skillsRead MoreLack Of Communication, Diversity And Personal Issues1282 Words   |  6 Pagesyears ago. Each challenge that a manager experiences ties hand in hand with one another and are all equally important. The three challenges that I will be discussing in this paper include: lack of communication, diversity and personal issues. The first challenge of motivating your employees is the lack of communication. How will a manager be able to motivate a staff member if they can’t even communicate properly? Without having any knowledge about your staff members, a manager will find it strenuousRead MoreLack of Communication Is the Biggest Problem in Healthcare Today1715 Words   |  7 Pagesineffective communication among hospital personnel, patients and their families, and the effect it has on patient safety. Communication, as a whole, is very complex and is the root of teamwork and collaboration which aids in keeping patients safe in the hospital. Throughout the healthcare field today patient-centered care and patient safety seem to be major focus points. Unfortunately, ineffective communication can potentially cause patient harm and even death. The breech in ineffective communication between